Monday, March 28, 2011

We live as if we are never gonna die and die as if we have never lived

Dear Peby,
I wanted to talk to you when I came for the Carnival but couldn't because of the crowd and the atmosphere, yet your sorrow and self pity was palpable,one could tap into a certain sense of nostalgia and mortality,while roaming the past bylanes of Irla Gaothan. As an younger person it seems difficult to dole out advice,but you must take a leaf out of my life, with multiple blockages, diabetes and high blood pleasure I have not changed my life style.
Time is the psycological enemy of man and we all will have disabilities as we grow older, but we cannot stop living our lives out which is a gift. During my own career as I never went to the Gulf like all Mallu's it was a lot of struggle initially. For many years, I went two steps forward and one step backward. Sometimes you too will have to take steps backwards and one step forward because of your disability. I know your condition is deteiorating and shirt is always hanging out to cover your narrowing shoulders. Are you happy with what you have achieved? Between the time constraints and pressures of the corporate world and my quest to make meaning out of this everyday journey of life, living a full life is a sojourn we must savor in our lifetime.
I am not inerested in entering a casket as a well preserved body like a pickled melon.preserved in brine and to be lowered in to the ground. When I leave my body will bear more scars than a crucified Jesus, all the skid marks of an abusive life will be there. Lungs black with smoking, kidneys failing due to alcholic refreshments, bones all fractured and patched up due to accidents and fights, heart broken at the many woman who came into my world and gave meaning to my life,body fluids drained due to years of sex, body worn and withered, but my spirit will be alive shouting Wow what a wonderful journey my life has been! I have no time for remorse.
Success for me is to have a nice family and to be able to have a sense of fulfilment. If you get commercial success, it’s a bonus. I have travelled the world, for achieving personal and business success, networking skills and ways of overcoming challenges. It’s sheer chance, that I went into Audio Visual design and consultancy. Today there is too much pressure on children to do well academically and go to a University for higher studies My daughter is studying for her MS in International Finance after her postgraduation in Economics because she wanted to, earlier she was not keen on studies we waited till she found her path.
There are many children who are doing what they don’t want to do, or are not sure what they would like to do, but their parents make them do something tough academically. If you do something you love, there is a good chance that you will be successful in it. We sometimes try to force our insights into our children and dont allow them to grow on their own make their mistakes and make their lives. Our own hidden insecurities surface and we try to protect them and end failing miserably. Intellect is itself a mode of exxageration and destroys the harmony of life.

It’s tough, but you have to pretend that you are a basket ball, not a basket case. You fall on the ground and you have to bounce back again. It’s not a nice thing to be, but sometimes you have to do it. Sometimes, you have to look at someone else, who could be in a worse situation than you are. You have to keep in mind things you are good at; and everybody is good at something. There is only one of you and only one of me, in the world. Try to find something that you like doing; music, for instance, is a powerful thing. You also have to find someone, who could be your friend.

Phew! That was one long passage, a sort of sermon before I mount.Ha ha Vinay

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Bharat Matrimony

My parents had the good fortune of not hunting for partners for their children, as all of us made our own choices and plunged into doomed relationship or institution called marriage that would change our lives forever.

The ultimate objective of parents was to ensure that the children were married and the term euphemistically described was “well settled”. In the olden days there were breeds of agents called “marriage brokers’ who practiced this niche trade often called match making. The standard requirement was that she should be fair, pretty; long tresses, coy, a good cook and what they would call domesticated (like a cow or dog). Benchmarking the groom was not as elaborate as only his job profile and family background was required and if he was a teetotaler /nonsmoker it was a bonus. Professions in demand were Doctors, IAS, Bankers, Engineers, Government servants though not necessarily in that order. Apart from the basic requirements of family background and trivia another important criteria was the matching of horoscopes. It was a time consuming exercise in the absence of data and communication networks and the marriage market had an elaborate and costly etiquette which had to be followed. Marriageable men tend to like coy women, who are young, beautiful, fertile and intellectually unthreatening. Once the basics are sorted out the boy with parents in tow visits the numerous girls who are prospective sizing each one like a cow in a showroom while she demurely serves tea and refreshments to the groom’s party while her mother outlines her various virtues and capabilities. Once the boy approves the girl the game goes to the next level of setting financial conditions for the engagement and nuptials. The standard term was “dowry” though of late it has gathered a derogatory connotation due to bride burning incidents in the North. The amount of dowry was directly proportional to the groom’s job standing and the girls desperation and deficiencies, this was one of the easiest ways to get” bread easily” build a corpus for those who seek the one great and insatiable commodity “cash”. So if the bride is dark, short, fat or ugly the dowry amount keeps increasing empirically and if there are any hint of character indiscretions then she will have to pay a heavy price.

The final objective of marriage is to remain ignorant of real life and imagine forever, slowly the lessons of anguish will set in, always as a shock. The implication is unsettling, yet to carry on the charade is to pretend otherwise. Life will become absurd and unbearable, till you crave for oblivion and want to disappear, till the children arrive and you embark on another traditional chapter of your life.

There was a paradigm shift in the sixties when the matrimonial columns appeared in the newspapers which gave greater choice. But advertising for partners carried a certain stigma well into the 70’s when social changes, women’s empowerment etc which broke the dominant patriarchal relationship that was prevalent.

Now lonely spinsters could use the anonymity of the columns to search for their soul mates. Women professionals entering male dominated professions gave a further impetus and improved the Lexicon with Brahmin Teetotalers/ status boy seeks lovely educated bride ……… appearing……. Convent educated/ veggie, non vegan/ later widen scope to include widowers and divorcees. The advent of IT, internet as a media vehicle launched a billion dollar industry that gave a fillip to lonely hearts and changed the relationship of the sexes forever. Today every portal, newspapers & magazine carried matrimonial ads through couples are still hesitant to reveal that they got married through matrimonial columns. There are some scary statistics going around about the spiraling divorce rates and cheating which is the outcome of false information published by these people looking for partners some conmen / fortune hunters & uxorious minded men, some indulging in fake ads.
The ubiquitous cell phone as also added its digital momentum to the increasing number of marriages on the brink of divorce due to indiscreet messages that adulterous couples / lovers exchange on mobiles.

With social economic changes sweeping the country the latest document to hit the market is the pre-nuptial agreements.

The big shift occurred after the software couples with their conspicuous consumerism discover that they are not compatible with in 1 t0 2 years of their marriage. With the disintegration of the joint family system & no emotional blanket to fall back on the statistic gets increasingly scary each year. The ads themselves are entertaining, revealing with expanded internet lexicon adding to the humor and innovation.

Thus the era of the marriage broker and isolated society of those times with its associated drama & sentimentality has been replaced by the new media composition. The times are real pushing the perimeters of the traditional envelope to break conventions in an age of spontaneous seduction & fleeting sense of joy, a symbol of a virtual aesthetic advantage.
The times are real, waiting for the tears falling on the women’s “Pallu” to forge a new critical attitude towards life.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Looting after Midnight

India is the world's fastest developing country after China. We have developed many ways to increase ill-gotten wealth and rogue billionaires. The vast talent pool responsible for this includes, greedy builders and land sharks,shady arms dealers,telecom operators having joint ventures with underworld, illegal miners, MP's who can be bought off in auctions, corrupt government officials,tainted bureaucrats and Satanic politicians.People entrusted to uphold the laws and curb crime subvert it and are even more criminal with positive linkages to gangsters. By looting the Ex-chequer and Country we have beaten the Forbes list at their own game by having our own "Rogues list of Billionaires" where the top twenty are all Indian residents. The land of Mahatama has come a long way!!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

The speaking pen and other tweets.

Single digit growth, double digit inflation and triple digit corruption, the fruits of our development will never reach the poor.” What an idea Sirjii!
I drink because it makes my wife’s friends "less boring"!

One more year slips away & the loneliness grows in me as my fancies turn to rust. The spotlight shifts to the spider weaving my web of tomorrow, withered folds, arthritis, and dementia; did I have too much to drink? Although my body appears in place, my consciousness is not. (The day after)

“Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a bad shot Cupid really is.” He misses the mark and we down the wrong bird.” Love may not make the world go round, but Alcohol certainly does”

“I wanted to make it really special on Valentines Day, so I will tie my daughter and wife, and for three solid hours I will watch whatever I want to on TV.” No more Uttaran, Splitsvilla, Roadies, Ladho, Jhalak Dikla Ja or friends….

The Empire is dead, Europe& (Euro) is crumbling, USA is recovering from a sub prime fiasco, the sun has set in Japan, Dubai is sinking, Pyramids are shattering and China can’t copy English, How the rest was lost. Is this the end game for progress and prosperity/price of development???

In a world where hand written letters are replaced with e-mails click, delete Ctrl… instant gratification….communication is the death of distance. My pen will write its own epitaph!

The Colonnade is a place where officers and gentleman go to escape from their wives.

Arun Nayar tried to miraculously transplant the Indian "curry" passion in to the weedy/seedy British soul of Liz Hurley during their stormy marriage, but the twist in the tale is her romp with spinner Shane Warne and the tabloids can "spin" another yarn!!!

Mallika Sherawat after Hiss got a complete makeover, silicone enhancement & all but is under I.T. Dept's scanner as they say that her assets are disproportionate to her genetic inheritance and wants to investigate her unknown sources of income, while she unaware of this is socializing in L.A. where she can put her large breasts to good use.

Like the Libyan who was caught smoking a reefer (marijuana) while fleeing stated~ that he would rather be stoned than go back to his wife in Libya! -Gaddafi tales-

The immigration officer (ninad's father) at Bombay airport was surprised that he couldn't recognize the face on the photo in the passport of the Omani's wife because it was covered by a veil as is the Arab custom!

Somali pirates are enlisting the naval officers, bureaucrats & tainted politicians of Adarsh scam, as they feel the long experience of these men in looting the public and other criminal indiscretions will be an added advantage and can help them to expand their trade overseas.

True love of nature no longer exists because the artisan level of reality is gone forever. It is a virtual world of Xerox symbols, virtual landscapes, soulless streets of tall glass buildings, a solitary wild flower which survived the onslaught sways merrily, quite unsure of its place in the visual diary of everyday life in a metro.

Out of these 5 religions Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism, Judaism, & Alcoholism I am an ardent follower of the last!

Without tension how can life exist???

The only things that grow in Mumbai are the hoardings, each larger than the other, proclaiming birthdays of politicians and the beautiful shade giving trees and tall pines were mercilessly chopped to support these ugly billboards & digital signages.

Vice and virtue is also a relationship-a play between pleasure (attachment) and renunciation (detachment).

Since I can't afford Botox I am using my wife's vanishing cream on my face, to hide my worry lines and crow feet.

In the end, only things matter the most: How fully you lived, how deeply you loved, how much wisdom you have gathered & how well you learned to let go of things not meant for you!

Original tweets--Xanadu